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September 15, 2015

Life In Plastic

So apparently now the world revolves around Kylie Jenner’s lips. Newsfeeds are peppered with as many Kardashian trout pouts as refugee victims and cancer survivors, and the worst thing is, they are presented as images to aspire to, or ‘life goals’.

I cannot understand the willingness to go under the knife for the sake of a smoother face or bouncier boobs. This isn’t contouring, ladies; this involves scalpels and anaesthetic and robes that show your bum. However minor the risk, why do we even consider it for the sake of our vanity?

It used to be only mature ladies like Sharon Osbourne getting facelifts to combat Hollywood ageism (even if the results were catastrophic) but now it is a circus where younger women are opting for the plastic treatment. The likes of Megan Fox and Heidi Montag having numerous cosmetic procedures before the age of 30 is ludicrous. These girls were stunning beforehand, so why did a medical professional not question their reliance on needles and poison for self-esteem?

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Tulisa Contostavlos was awarded the prestigious and not at all sexist title of FHM’s Sexiest Woman in 2012 and two years later, she had a drastic change of face. She was likened to Michael Jackson after a cheek and lip filler procedure went awry. Did she feel compelled to self-improve, to live up to this ridiculous title? This practice of estimating a woman’s worth based on her looks is everything that is wrong with the media today; the pressure on female celebrities is insurmountable.

We gasp in horror that Lisa Kudrow looks older than the fresh-faced Phoebe Buffay we know and love, but equally lambast Courteney Cox for her decision to overdose on Botox. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you are in the public eye for more than a decade, you are inevitably going to fall victim to the shame brigade that dwell in glossy magazine land.

For this reason, you can forgive the celebrity omissions of truth when the media tries to attack them for the beauty measures they were forced in to. Baby Jenner initially tried to pass her enlargements as the work of Mother Nature while Roz Purcell is still insisting she hasn’t had her lips done despite going from naturally plump to overstuffed sausage.

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Actresses the world over plaster their names on a moisturiser bottle and attribute their youthful features to good genes and plenty of water. Evian might claim to help you live young but unless it’s holding up the clothes pegs behind your facelift, you cannot deny the telling sheen of a plastic visage.

I’m not advocating a caveman existence where we all live in a hippie commune without razors and make-up. There is nothing wrong with a little sprucing up: pinning back some sticky-out ears or straightening some unruly teeth. But when we start altering our appearance past the point of recognition, what’s the point? Would you really prefer to look like Janice Dickinson? She’s scary, man.

Stop telling women they look old. Stop buying magazines with such headlines as ‘Jen Aniston shows new wrinkle lines- is her marriage in trouble already?!’ Plastic fanatics, stop trying to erase every scrap of evidence that you’ve laughed or cried. For the record, you don’t look younger. You look like the little guy on the bike from Saw.