So, X Factor has returned once again to claim three months of your life and you couldn’t be happier. It seems that many of the Marmite TV shows we adore are watched in the privacy of our own homes and kept secret from the outside world. It could be that you are ashamed to admit that you opt for such muck over the Nine One News, but know that you are not alone. Embrace your guilty pleasures and switch your Saturday night cocktails for fluffy socks. It’s nearly winter, after all.
Here are my top TV shows you just hate to love.
The X Factor
Hate: It’s blatantly flogging a dead horse that’s been dead for many years now. It has surpassed the point of artificial that I genuinely cannot detect one scene of unedited footage. Everything has been re-mastered to the point of insanity; it’s the television equivalent of a bad facelift.
Furthermore, I wish Cheryl Cole (I refuse to type the other moniker in the belief that it won’t be long-lasting) would stop acting like the refined lady of the manor when she’s twerking her tramp-stamped behind all the livelong day.
Love: It lures me in year after year for sheer entertainment value, and the addition of Mel B was a masterstroke. She is the only one who refuses to join in the charade and is refreshingly brash; “I’m so excited I could slap ya!” And despite my cynicism, I am equally transfixed by Ms. Cole. I don’t know if it is her beauty, accent or a mixture of otherworldly things but I am reluctantly enthralled. True love/hate relationship.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Hate: It’s the trashiest of the trash, which is saying a lot when it comes to reality television. The soundtrack is cheesy and the entire family’s behaviour borders on the grotesque. For example, their recipe for spaghetti sauce is a pound of butter mixed with ketchup and microwaved to perfection. I actually had to switch channels once mid-meal due to a particular toe-picking incident. Not for the faint of stomach.
Love: Honey Boo Boo herself is wildly entertaining and spouts gems on a regular basis; “I don’t even think I’m a real person.” The love of the Thompson family for one another is also quite endearing which you can tell exists when the camera packs up. It’s perfect fodder for the tired brain that readily accepts Sugar Bear as a legitimate name for a father of five.
Sex And The City
Hate: The superficiality of the show is hard to ignore and at times, feels like a 40 minute ad for designer labels. Carrie Bradshaw can be the most irritating character and her dire puns are surpassed only by her fairly loose grasp on sanity; “When I was totally broke, sometimes I bought Vogue instead of dinner. I found it fed me more.” What, like?!
Love: It’s slick, colourful and captivating. The show itself is groundbreaking for its powerful female personalities and outrageous storylines. A little female empowerment (albeit draped in a designer scarf of mindless indulgence) never hurt anyone. Fabulous.
Hate: The increasingly derivative storylines and repetitive dialogue are glaring signs that the show really should have concluded by now. One fatal flaw is the innate unlikeability of the lead character, Meredith Grey, who possesses all the energy of a lethargic Kristen Stewart. Furthermore, it systematically tests your personal limit for heartstring-tugging scenes and dramatic close-ups. Let us not even mention the musical episode.
Love: Emotional porn, simple as. I believe this to be my guiltiest of pleasures owing purely to the fact that it’s so blatantly emotive and yet I cry every time. EVERY time. Like, real My Girl tears. It’s a love/hate cycle of cursing the writers for their cliffhanger finales and praying for them to write the next season quicker. It’s a sick addiction and I hate myself for it.
(It returns next Thursday, September 25th…finally).